God Help Me, Part 5
by Mertz
Summary: The drunken antics of members of the Voltron Force continue.


Hello all, shorts seem to be all I'm capable of getting to these days. But I haven't posted an update to this series in a year and a half and it was a great distraction for the long holiday weekend here in the States.

This story is dedicated to my dear friend, Wade Wells, who makes a special guest appearance in this one. Considering she inspired the first God Help Me story with a weekend drunken phone call a few years back, I thought it appropriate for her to participate in this one.

As a side note, if you haven't read the first God Help Me, or any other in the series, I suggest you start there first and continue on through the series in order since they build on each other.

Enjoy all!

Mertz

I make no claims to Voltron or any other WEP characters.

God Help Me! Part 5:

On his knees in the kitchen, Lance pushes out the scrub brush then brings it back, mentally using every swear word he has ever learned his whole life. Hearing a loud sniffling followed by, "You missed a spot," he looks up to find the royal governess standing in front of him, one hand on her hip as she points with the other, "Right there."

Glancing down at the spot, the lieutenant scrubs at the offending dirt then looks back up to sarcastically ask, "Better?"

"No, finish the rest," Nanny commands as she turns her back on him to return to her duties.

Biting his tongue to keep himself from telling her where to go, Lance returns to his scrubbing when the door to the kitchen opens and Sven walks in. The Norwegian stops on the opposite side of the counter and leans over it to look down at his friend. Arching an eyebrow, he admires Lance's new black eye then politely inquires, "How's it going?"

"Fuck you, Sven."

Fighting against the smile he feels slipping across his face, Sven moves around the counter to look directly down on Lance as he continues to scrub the floor on his hands and knees. Crouching so he can look directly in his eyes, he states, "You got off easy Lance, so don't whine about your punishment."

Lance throws the scrub brush into the bucket then leans back to retort, "Like it's my fault Keith got the shit beaten out of him by Allura?"

"It is, actually. But it isn't just the cracked ribs and the black eye that has Keith so angry." He stands back up to his full height, "It wasn't even the ruined wedding night. You embarrassed them in front of a room full of political associates. They've been called before the Arusian Council because of you."

"Which he paid me back for by punching me in the eye and making me work for Nanny for the next month. So like I said before, fuck you Sven," snorts Lance as the grabs the brush back out of the bucket and angrily starts cleaning the floor again.

"When will you grow up Lance?"

The question has the lieutenant leaning back once more to look at his friend, "What the hell does that mean?"

Sven glares at him, "These childish pranks were fine when we were all in the Academy, but we're supposed to be adults now. When the hell are you going to start acting like one?"

He receives a snorting sound in reply as Lance returns to his scrubbing. Shaking his head at him, Sven says, "Romelle and I will be leaving after lunch to return to Pollux." When Lance doesn't respond to him or even look at him, he sighs, "You are still my friend Lance, even if you are an asshole. Come to lunch so we can all say our goodbyes."

"Whatever."

"Fine, continue acting like a spoiled brat." Sven starts walking to the door, "Bye Lance."

Looking over toward the door as he watches Sven walk out of the kitchen, Lance grumbles to himself about jerk friends and their opinions.

"Finish the floor!"

He looks up to find Nanny in front of him again, "We need you out of the way so we can finish preparing lunch. Hurry up and finish!"

Biting his tongue for what seems like the hundredth time that day, Lance simply nods to her and goes back to his scrubbing. He feels a pair of eyes studying him and looks up to find one of the kitchen workers staring at him. She flushes crimson when she notices him looking back and quickly moves back to her duties. Lance grimaces as he looks her over. It is Judy, the short, plump one that started only a couple of weeks ago and she seems to have developed a crush on him. He would look up during meals to find her staring at him when she was supposed to be clearing the table. Another kitchen worker walks by, Karla, giving him a sympathetic smile. Now that was a woman that Lance wanted to get to know better. Tall and voluptuous, she had a way of moving that drew the eye and kept it firmly on her. She pauses by a counter, places her hands against her lower back, and leans back as if to stretch out the kinks. Mesmerized, Lance barely feels his mouth dropping open in wonder as her high-tipped breasts thrust forward against the thin material of her dress. Finished, Karla tucks back a stray, lustrous black curl behind her ear and returns to her duties. The sound of Nanny's shoes stomping by drives him back to the present. Going back to his scrubbing, he can feel her eyes on him from time to time. Finishing the job, he rises and quickly leaves the room while thinking, _'A month of this shit…it can't end soon enough!'_

_xxxxxxxxxxx_

Walking out of the council chambers in a huff, Allura barely pays attention to her spouse walking beside her as she grumbles to herself, "That was the most embarrassing…they acted like I planned to get drunk at my wedding. Those overbearing…pompous…" Struggling to come up with a proper insult, Allura stops to face her husband. She watches him grimace with discomfort, one hand moving up to his side as if to hold in the pain. Finally, she snarls, "Those assholes!"

"I know, Allura," Keith answers then tries to reason with her, "But you can see their point."

"I know I embarrassed myself and Arus in front of the entire Denubian Galaxy without them reminding me of it!" she snaps. Turning to stomp back down the hall, Allura snarls, "I could kill Lance!"

"Killing him would be too easy," Keith replies angrily as he follows her, "He needs to suffer first."

"And will he ever suffer," the new queen responds as she continues down the hall, a plan coming to mind.

_xxxxxxxxxxx_

Having skipped lunch and dinner with the others, Lance stands at the sink in the kitchen that evening, finishing the last of the dishes. The old witch had insisted he do the dishes by hand, even though there were industrial dishwashers in the room. Nanny had barely allowed him to eat his own dinner while standing by the kitchen counter before she snarled at him to get started. It seemed to him that the cooks had dirtied every dish in the kitchen as he places another kettle in the drainer.

A pair of hands picks up the kettle and quickly wipes it down, sets it aside then grabs the next pan in the rack. Glancing beside him, Lance finds Judy making quick work of the pile. He looks around the room quick, noting Nanny has her back to them as she instructs the cooks on the plan for the morning meal. Whispering out the side of his mouth, he says, "I appreciate the help, but I don't want you to lose your job if Nanny catches you. I've got this."

Setting down another pan, Judy quietly replies, "It isn't fair to make you do them by hand. I never have to do them by hand."

Refusing to comment on the situation, Lance only says, "Thanks, but seriously, I've got this."

She finishes drying the pan in her hand then sets the towel down. Instead of walking away, Judy picks up two of the pans and starts for their cabinets. Sighing to himself, Lance keeps working at the dishes while glancing at Nanny to make sure she wasn't turning their way. While he really didn't want anything to do with the plump, stubborn maid, he didn't want her to get in trouble for helping him either. Throwing the last pan in the water, Lance hears, "Aren't you finished yet?"

Finding the governess had managed to return to his side without his noticing, Lance turns his head to find Judy busy by another counter. Relieved, he turns back to retort, "They'd be done by now if you let me use the dishwasher."

"What good is punishment if it doesn't make you regret your actions?" demands Nanny with her hands on her hips.

Deciding not to tell her what he thought of her punishment, Lance snaps, "Then you don't have the right to demand I get it done faster. I'll be done when I'm done!"

"Insolent ruffian!" Nanny declares with her hands now clenched by her sides, "If I had my way, you'd be cleaning out the stables on your hands and knees!"

"Better horse shit than yours!" the lieutenant snaps, before turning his back to her once more.

"Of all the…I've never been so insulted!" the governess declares before turning around and stomping away in a huff.

"I doubt that," returns Lance quietly as he works on the last pan.

"I'm sorry that you are stuck doing this kind of work," another voice whispers near his ear.

Turning his head, he finds Karla watching him with a sympathetic expression, her plump, pink, bottom lip out in a full pout, "I've never known the governess to be so vindictive."

"Yeah," Lance returns, turning his head back to look down at the pan still sitting in the cooling water, "She's never been a fan of mine."

"I am," she responds.

Whipping his head back fast enough to give himself whiplash, Lance finds a seductive smile on her face as she continues, "I hope I'm not making you uncomfortable by saying that."

Trying to appear cool, Lance smiles back, "Not at all."

Quickly giving the pan in the sink a final swish of the rag, he rinses it without even checking to see if it was clean, "I get that a lot actually."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, when you're part of the Voltron Force, it's natural that others look up to you," he answers pompously.

"I suppose…" Karla answers hesitantly, her tone sounding defeated, "Then you wouldn't want to..."

"What?" Lance looks back at her to demand.

Shrugging, she continues, "Would I be out of line if I asked you to join me for a drink later?"

Trying to contain his excitement, Lance wipes his hands on a towel and tries for an unaffected expression, "A drink?"

"Yeah," Karla replies with an unconscious shrug while tucking back an errant curl behind her ear, "Maybe in my room in half an hour?"

"You know what…why not?" returns the lieutenant, trying to sound gracious, "I could use a drink after today."

"Good!" remarks Karla with a smile, "I'll see you in half an hour then?"

Lance nods at her then watches closely as she walks away, her hips swaying from side to side. Feeling happier than he has all day, he ignores Nanny's snipe about being back early in the morning and leaves the kitchen. Whistling, he quickly makes his way down to his room. He had just enough time to shave and splash on some aftershave before his date with Karla.

_xxxxxxxxxxx_

Shaking the tumbler, Karla quickly mixes the drinks then fills one of the glasses with the purple substance. Picking up the bottle of grape juice, she fills a second glass. The knock at the door almost has her dropping the decanter of juice. Capping it and setting it aside, she glances at her appearance in the mirror, runs her fingers quickly through the long, loose mass, tugs her bosom into place, undoes the top two buttons, and then answers the door. She smiles at the sight of the lieutenant, "I was worried for a moment you might have changed your mind."

Lance gives her a sexy smile as he enters the room, "Why would I do that?"

"Well, you are a member of the Voltron Force," she returns while walking over to the two glasses. Picking up the glass containing the alcohol, she hands it to him, "I wouldn't want you to get into trouble for socializing with the hired help."

Turning back, she picks up her own glass before turning back to face him with a worried expression, "I would feel terrible if you got into more trouble because of me."

Reaching up to tuck a curl behind her ear, Lance smiles at her, "You have nothing to worry about."

"Good," Karla states but then she pouts, "I have bad news. I couldn't get the drink I promised. The governess had the liquor cabinet locked early. All I could get was grape juice. I hope you don't mind?"

Trying not to let his disappointment show, Lance thinks back on the bottle of Vodka he has stashed in his room as he answers, "It's all right."

Lifting the glass, he smells the juice while contemplating if she would wait for him to run to his room for his bottle. The smile she gives him pushes the thought away as she responds, "Thank goodness."

Lance takes a sip of the contents then tries to hand the glass back to her. Karla refuses to take it, a stricken look coming across her face, "You're leaving?"

Taking the glass back, Lance downs the contents, "No, not at all."

She smiles up at him, then leans in so that her cleavage brushes ever so slightly against his chest, "Shall we sit down and get to know each other better?"

Nodding with his eyes floating down to the opening of her dress, he holds his glass out for a refill, "Sure, why not?"

Taking it, Karla pulls away then directs him over the small table in her room. She fills his glass with the Peruvian punch she made earlier and brings it back to him. Sitting down on his lap, she takes a sip of her non-alcoholic drink while looking down into his eyes then says, "So, tell me all about yourself."

Staring down at the very visible décolletage in front of him, Lance smiles to himself. She wanted to know everything about him, did she? Deciding to play along, he starts to talk, "Well, I joined the Space Academy when I turned seventeen."

_xxxxxxxxxxx_

Two hours later, Lance smiles at Karla and picks up his glass for another refill, "And dat's when we were sent here."

Smiling when Lance is unable to keep the glass still for her, Karla picks up the decanter. Placing a hand over his, she refills it for the eighth time while commenting, "You sure have been all over the universe."

"Yup!" he answers then takes another large drink from his glass. Lowering it, he comments, "I loves this juice stuff."

"I imagine you do," Karla answers as she takes her seat across from him.

"Wow…is gettin hot in here," the lieutenant states drunkenly.

"Why don't you take your shirt off?" Karla suggests with a smile on her face.

"Good idea!" Lance replies then looks down at his shirt. He pulls on the buttons, unable to work them. Giving up on that, he tries to pull his shirt up over his head only to have it become caught on his chin.

Standing up and moving towards him, Karla lowers herself between his spread legs, "Why don't I help you?"

Lance only smiles at her as she pulls the shirt back down then nimbly unbuttons it and helps him pull it off. She pulls his undershirt up out of his pants next, yanking it over his head. Standing, she takes a step back and asks, "Feel better?"

"Yeah," Lance says then adds, "Why so hot in here?"

"I think it's just you," Karla replies with a smile, "Here, let's take your shoes and pants off. It might help as well."

"You tink?" asks Lance seriously even as Karla reaches for his belt buckle.

"I'm sure it will," she answers firmly, her nimble fingers quickly removing his belt and shoes.

He stands so she can help remove his pants. Her eyebrows arch together at him in question as she remarks, "No underwear?"

"Nope, can't schtand the tings," he answers her, with a goofy smile on his face.

Shaking her head, Karla pulls him toward her, "Dance with me?"

"No music…" Lance remarks even as he follows her around.

"I'll make the music," she responds, humming as she swings them around the room.

They pause by her door, Karla pushing him against it, "You know what Lieutenant?"

"What?" Lance asks, his eyes firmly planted on the cleavage showing between the opened buttons of her dress.

"I think it's time to call it a night," she answers, hitting the button to the door and pushing him out of it.

"Hey!" Lance yells out even as the door to Karla's room closes in his face.

He stares at the closed door in confusion for a moment. Knocking on it, he calls out, "Karla?"

Giving up when she doesn't answer, Lance starts walking down the hall in the nude, weaving from side to side. Turning down a corridor, he pauses when a patrol stops in front of him, surprise on every face. Saluting them, he remarks, "At ease!" then continues past, giggling to himself.

_xxxxxxxxxxx_

Sitting in the control room, Hunk stares tiredly up at the monitors. Pidge would be along in a few minutes to replace him, but man, what a long night it had been. Yawning loudly, he stretches back in the chair.

"Hey Hunk."

Turning around, Hunk smiles at his young friend, "About time.

"Yeah, yeah," Pidge answers just as the comm. system beeps.

Turning around in the chair, Hunk hits the button, "Garrett here."

"Umm…sir…we just past Lieutenant McClain in the hallway."

Glancing back at Pidge, Hunk shrugs, "So?"

"Well…sir…he was inebriated and completely naked."

"Naked?" Hunks asks, dumbfounded.

"Yes sir. What would you like us to do about it?"

Flipping the buttons on the console, Hunk brings up the video screens for that sector then busts out laughing at the sight of Lance standing in the corner of a hallway, his back to the camera, but it was obvious what the lieutenant was doing by the puddle appearing by his feet. Finished, Lance takes a step back, glances down to find his feet wet and tries to shake them off. Losing his balance, he falls, right into his own piss.

Hunk loses it entirely, laughing so hard he almost falls out of the chair. Only the voice on the comm. asking, "Sir?" brings him out of it. Wiping at the tears sliding down his cheeks, Hunk states, "Don't worry about it. I'll take care of it."

"Yes sir, out."

"Should we wake Keith?"

Looking back at Pidge, Hunk shakes his head, "We aren't doing a damn thing."

As Pidge looks back at him confused, Hunk turns back to the console and hits the buttons so the screens continue to follow Lance as he finally manages to stand up and slowly weaves his way down the hall.

_xxxxxxxxxxx_

Humming the same song that Karla had hummed earlier, just a bit more off-key, Lance continues to weave his way down the hallway. Pausing at a cross-section, he tries to remember the direction to his room. Shrugging, he turns left and continues. A horrified gasp reaches his ears. Pausing, he looks up to find Nanny and Judy a little ahead of him in the hall. He watches Nanny whisper something to the younger woman then Judy turns and rushes down the hallway away from them.

Resuming his humming, he moves towards the governess. Stopping in front of her, Lance sways unsteadily on his feet as he smiles at the horrified woman, "Nanny! My friend!"

Covering her eyes, Nanny declares, "Lieutenant McClain! You are unfit to be wandering around the halls, much less the servants' quarters! Please, return to your room!"

"Now…Na…Na…" he pauses while he hiccups then continues, "Nanny, I seem ta member you being quite fond of me a ways back."

Removing her hand from her eyes, the older woman places her hands on her hips while snarling, "Fond…of you? Never!"

Another hiccup escapes him then Lance sways closer to her while wiggling a finger at her, "You were!"

"And when was this?" demands Nanny, her face turning red with her rage.

"Umm…" starts Lance, putting a finger to his chin as if in deep thought, "Oh…yeah…" He smiles drunkenly at her, "When you kissed me and grabbed my ass."

"I did no such thing!" Nanny snarls at him.

"Did too!" Lance returns then turns around and wiggle his butt in her direction, "Want another try?"

"What…" the governess starts to say as her eyes float down to the firm buttocks wiggling around in front of her. Her hand slams across her mouth just before she faints dead away to the floor.

"Nanny? You gonna pinch it or wha?" Lance asks, still wiggling his hips. Hearing no answer, he stands up straight and turns back to face her only to not find her there. "Nanny, where you go?" he demands as he turns his head back and forth in search of her. When he finally looks down to see her on the floor, Lance asks, "Nanny, you fall asleep?"

"Lieutenant McClain!"

Looking up, he finds the castle diplomat walking toward him with the maid, Judy, in tow. Smiling broadly, he greets them, "Coran!" Pointing down to the governess, he adds, "Nanny went ta sleep."

The older man shakes his head as he pulls off his top coat and hands it to Lance, "Please put that on."

Taking the jacket, Lance puts his hand through one sleeve only to realize he can't pull the other one around. He hears an impatient sound as Coran yanks it back, "You're putting it on backward!"

He holds out the coat for Lance to put on. Turning around, Lance puts his arms in the sleeves and feels the jacket being pushed up over his shoulders. Turning back, he smiles foolishly, "Tanks. Was getting a little cool in the privates, if you know what I mean."

"I'm sure it was," remarks Coran, "Lieutenant, what are you doing wandering around naked in the halls?"

"Umm…" starts Lance as he tries to remember what he was doing. Giving up, he shrugs, "Don't member."

Coran arches an eyebrow at him, "Don't you think you should return to your room?"

"Why?" asks the lieutenant, a confused expression on his face.

"You're hardly dressed appropriately for a walk around the castle," Coran explains to him with an arch of his bushy eyebrows.

Lance glances down at himself and notices that much of him is still showing through the coat. Looking back up at the diplomat, he finally shrugs drunkenly while agreeing, "Suppose so."

"So, go to your room," Coran orders with his arms crossed.

Nodding, Lance turns and starts walking down the hallway then stops to turn back to ask, "Where is it?"

Coran lets out a loud exaggerated groan. Quiet until that moment, Judy volunteers, "I'll escort him back." He looks at her only to find her face flushed with embarrassment, "I mean, unless you want to."

He looks back over at Lance as the drunken man returns and slings an arm around Coran's shoulders, "Let's go find a drink."

Pulling his arm from around his shoulders, Coran remarks, "I think you've had enough, Lieutenant."

Turning his attention back to the maid, he nods, "If you would please, Judy, I would appreciate it. I'll take care of Nanny."

The plump maid smiles then takes Lance by the elbow, "Come with me, Lieutenant, I'll make sure you get back to your room."

Lance wraps an arm around her shoulders with a smile on his face and the two slowly make their way down the hall. Shaking his head at them, Coran looks down at the governess just as she's coming to. Helping her to her feet, he says, "Come on Nanny, let's get you to your room."

_xxxxxxxxxxx_

On the monitors, Hunk smiles as he watches the maid slowly leading Lance to his room. They stop and sway here and there, Lance unable to fully maintain his balance and his size unbalancing them both. Soon they reach his door and Judy opens it, directs the lieutenant in, and then walks in behind him, closing the door. From his position next to the chair, Pidge questions, "Ahh, Hunk?"

"Yeah?"

"Why would Judy go into Lance's room with him?"

The big guy simply smiles at the younger man. Shaking his head, Pidge asks, "Should we do something about it?"

Turning off the monitor, Hunk replies, "Nope."

Standing, Hunk directs another one of the room's attendants to take his place at the console. Gesturing Pidge to follow him, he says, "We're taking a break. Let's go to the kitchen and see if there's any of that chocolate cake left."

"Why?"

"Well," starts Hunk, "While we eat, I'll explain the concept of Karma to you."

At the curious expression on the younger man's face, Hunk starts laughing and leads him out of the control room.

_xxxxxxxxxxx_

Awakening the next morning, Lance groans at the pain in his head and the cotton-mouth feeling plaguing his throat. Placing a hand to his head to ease the pain, he opens and closes his mouth several times, trying to rehydrate it. A female sigh reaches his ears as well as a hand coming to rest against his chest. Trying to remember the events of the previous night, the only thought that comes to him is he must have invited Karla back to his room. Turning into her, Lance runs a hand down her arm and onto her hip. Finding it fleshy, his confused mind goes back to the night before again. Only vague flashes of memory slip through.

"Lance…"

The voice whispering his name definitely wasn't Karla's. Sitting up, Lance tosses the blankets back to find a very naked Judy lying next to him. Horror fills him as she sits up with a smile on her face. She reaches toward him, "Morning."

Pushing backward to avoid her hand, Lance falls off the bed and lands on the floor with a hard thump. Judy leans over the bed to look at him with concerned eyes, "Did you hurt yourself Lance? Is something wrong?"

Horrified, Lance jumps up, grabs a blanket and wraps it around his waist while running for the door. His hand slams against the button to open it and he pushes through as it slowly opens. The sound of Judy calling his name has him turning his head to see if she's following. Failing to pay attention, he runs right into someone.

"Lance! What the hell are you doing?"

Shaking his head in answer at his commanding officer, Lance pulls away from Keith and runs down the hallway, the blanket covering his lower half dragging behind him.

Keith watches him go, confusion filling him. The sound of his wife laughing draws his attention. Looking at Allura, he finds her with her hand over her mouth, trying to hold in her laughter as tears slide out of her eyes. Crossing his arms in front of his chest, he growls, "Allura?"

Trying to erase the humor from her face while wiping away the tears, Allura can't help it and simply starts laughing aloud again. She had seen the video of Lance's naked walk around the castle hallways the night before earlier that morning. The sight of him coming out of his room as if his ass was on fire was just the icing on the cake. When she had asked Karla to help set up Lance, she never dreamed it would work out as well as it had. Her husband continues to give her the evil eye, and it only makes her laugh all the harder. The door to Lance's room opens again and this time, the maid, Judy, walks out while still straightening her dress. Finding the monarchs, she gives them a quick curtsey, murmurs, "Morning, your Majesties," then continues her way down the hall.

"Oh shit…"

Allura looks up at Keith to find him staring incredulously after the maid. Laughing, the queen takes his arm and pulls him down the hallway with her while stating, "Don't you dare feel sorry for him. Lance had it coming."

Shaking his head, Keith follows his wife while quietly replying, "God help me if I ever piss you off like that."

"Don't you forget it," Allura gaily answers, her anger over the last few days completely forgotten.


End file.
